


Mi Amado

by satashii



Category: Narcos (TV)
Genre: First Time, M/M, Not Beta Read, one shot for now, unclear ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:21:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25430803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/satashii/pseuds/satashii
Summary: Javi liked to think of himself as a generous lover—not faithful necessarily but dedicated to the act of pleasure. He had his preferences like all men but the only emotionally true relationship he had wasn’t with a woman and the man who his heart belonged to was permanently out of his reach.
Relationships: Horacio Carrillo/Javier Peña
Comments: 3
Kudos: 42





	Mi Amado

Javi liked to think of himself as a generous lover—not faithful necessarily but dedicated to the act of pleasure. He had his preferences like all men but the only emotionally true relationship he had wasn’t with a woman and the man who his heart belonged to was permanently out of his reach. Hence the regular patronage of the seedier side of Medellín and Bogota’s whorehouses. He received no complaints and the women who worked in the places he frequented were happy to spend an afternoon or evening with him, blowing off some energy and attaining physical release with the thin patina of companionship and an exchange of money.

He had regrets—leaving Lorraine at the alter wasn’t one of them but the manner in which he’d abandoned her was. The morning of the affair he’d been all ready and then asked himself what he was doing. He’d known then that she wasn’t the love of his life and that being faithful to her wasn’t going to be something he could commit to, that the semblance of normal she provided wasn’t all that important to him and his career. How could he marry her knowing that he didn’t love her like a man should love his wife? In the end, he’d decided to spare her the pain of eventual betrayal and dissolution of their relationship and left her, cutting off all contact as dramatically as possible so there’d be no possibility of reconciliation.

No—his regrets mostly started and ended with one man. Colonel Horacio Carrillo, the head of the Search Bloc. A dedicated, patriotic, family man who was too honorable for the shit that he dealt with day in and day out. Carrillo—and he did call him that in his mind to distance himself slightly—was married and didn’t look twice at the gringo named Javier Peña who’d had the misfortune to be assigned to Colombia when they first met. Javi would admit, at least to himself, that he’d noticed Carrillo when they’d been first introduced and that was before things had gotten really bad in Colombia. Before Pablo began making a name for himself. As things escalated, they’d meet again and again until they had a working partnership.

Javi hadn’t been able to escape the man, watching as he lost partner after partner to the drug war that seemed all consuming. Watched as the man who’d been a quiet force to be reckoned with be beaten down again and again with the weight of those he lost balanced on the broad shoulders. Javi found himself bending rules, assisting as often as possible if it was Carrillo involved and he put himself out there and was noticed in return.

Carrillo’s attention when it focused on him had caused him to revel in it more than a hit of cocaine. The way that Carrillo allowed him in but only so far, the way that they began to anticipate each other’s movements and thoughts. They were a matched pair that operated on another level. Covering for each other, anticipating the other, working together.

But never that way no matter how much Javi hungered for it. 

Javi had always been a patron of the whorehouses. His use of them escalated as his relationship with Carrillo deepened. Sometimes he needed them nightly, making appointments to have one of the meet him at his home after he had a late drink with Carrillo that wound him so tight there was only one method of release that worked. He would spend hours fucking the women until he finally was exhausted and would sleep after seeing them out, cock spent and soul empty and aching.

They were never enough. Not the person he wanted but they would do for release. What else could he ask for? Carrillo would never look at him that way and he knew it... but still loved him irregardless. He wasn’t a selfish man and he could give Carrillo his dedication and mind as long as his body was given a regular release.

After all, he couldn’t control his dreams. In his dreams it was Horacio’s arms that wrapped around him, pulled him to a deep sleep and soothed his nightmares. Horacio’s lips on his body, his calloused hands that brought him off after too many drinks. Horacio’s name on his breath as he came by his own hand, the scent of his aftershave and sweat that Javi had picked up during the ride home from their last mission lingering like a brand on his senses. And on some nights, it was thoughts of Horacio deep within him simulated by his own fingers delving deep within himself, thinking of how their hips moving in a rhythmic joining that caused him to scream as he came.

He tried to avoid self-pleasure because of the dangerous ways his thoughts slid with that form of release, no feminine partner to distract him with her needs. The name that he bit his tongue to avoid letting out. To admit it, to call for who he wanted would release the madness he held at bay most nights and he couldn’t afford the weakness and still meet Carrillo’s gaze the next day as his friend and almost-partner.

When he’d finally been assigned an actual partner by the DEAit had changed something in their dynamic and the way Carrillo had stared at Steve upon first meeting him had made Javi’s heartbeat race. The expression of annoyance at Steve’s lack of spanish skills, of his absolute gringo-ness, and most importantly the possessive pull for Javi’s attention and pleasure when Javi had given it to him... the fluttering of his heart when he saw the small, barely there, pleased smirk on Carrillo’s face. That smirk that had a vicious edge to it showed that Carrillo still had Javi’s attention and he knew it.

Javi knew he was screwed even worse at that particular moment. He made the effort to involve Steve, to pull Steve into their operation and make him his work partner but the gravity of the pull towards Carrillo was immense and he didn’t want to escape it in his heart. He found himself escalating again, more sex, more whores, more alcohol, more cigarettes. All of this stopped with the soft words of concern from Carrillo asking if he needed to pull back, if he needed a break when it was noticed.

He’d spent the next two days with his fingers working that spot inside of him, screaming for Horacio until his thighs trembled, cock and balls sore from abuse, throat raw from calling for his mate. He wanted—needed desperately—what he couldn’t have. He would have to only dream of what he craved and be satisfied with the occasional brush of fingers against his arm or back, the shared space and language, the trust to cover each other’s backs in the field. It would have to be enough.

He told himself it would have to be enough.

And then Pablo continued to escalate.

More deaths. More shootings. Bombings. The carnage that one man caused was so evil in it’s scope, so devastating in his megalomaniac greed. At some point it was no longer about money—it was about power and Pablo’s ability to bring Colombia to it’s knees, begging him for mercy like an abused spouse that couldn’t leave. Javi had encountered sadists before and the abusive relationship between Pablo and his Carrillo... it would only ever end one way. One of them was going to die and Javi prayed nightly that it would be Pablo.

He saw what Pablo did to Carrillo—to his Horacio. The infinite sadness and fatigue in his love’s eyes as he ordered his men into another ambush with poorer protection and guns than Pablo’s men. The knowledge in the slope of the shoulders that many of his young men would die at the hands of the sicarios but if it made the difference for one person then maybe it would be worth it. Carrillo was an honorable man fighting against a monster that was better funded, better armed and worst of all, prepared to burn it all to the ground rather than surrender.

There was no winning against Pablo.

Javi pushed and Steve went along with him trustingly, perhaps too much so.

Their first success—or at least what Javi considered a success—was Gacha. He argued with Carrillo that true revenge would be making Gacha rot in a cell for the rest of his miserable life, caught like a rat with no escape. Carrillo had a different opinion—only death would do for someone who had murdered and profited from the suffering of so many. When they had Gacha cornered, it had been Javi’s shot to call whether they brought Gacha in alive or dead.... and he’d asked his love what he wanted, aware that many were listening over the radio when he offered up the decision. His love did not have to respond and his silence in response told him what to do. He gave the order to give Gacha lead and watched as bullets riddled the man’s body from his vantage point in the heilo.

Gacha was a turning point for Carrillo too.

It was late and they’d shared a few drinks in celebration before parting ways. Javi and Steve both lived in the same general area and when they split, Javi opened the door to his apartment and sighed, letting his shoulders slump in fatigue as he rested against the door. He was tipsy but not drunk, his euphoric mood more driven by emotions than the alcohol in his bloodstream. Heading directly for the shower to wash away the sweat and humidity of the day, grabbing his toothbrush along the way.

He’d just stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around his waist when there was a knock at his door that made his head snap up.He hadn’t called for any company tonight and it was late. Grabbing his pistol and chambering a round, he hitched the towel tight and took a deep breath before looking through the peephole to see who was outside.

Carrillo.

Horacio.

He was outside and leaning against the door, raising his hand to knock again—louder this time. “Javi?” Was the soft call muffled through the door which made his breath hitch and stall as his pulse took off.

Setting his gun aside, his fingers fumbled with the security chain and lock, yanking the door open to look at Carrillo. “Is something—“ he started speaking before pausing at the look Carrillo was giving him, suddenly realizing that he was just in a towel that was rather ratty and small but barely covered the essential parts. Blushing, he took a step back and Carrillo took the opportunity to enter the apartment and shut the door behind him, making Javi take several more steps back as Carrillo then crowded him up against the hallway wall, their bodies separated by only centimeters. “Carrillo—“

Javi was silenced as Horacio leaned forward, their noses touching before their lips, Horacio taking advantage of his open mouth to swoop in with his tongue and claim him, tangling them together. Strong arms pinned Javi in place as they pressed together from head to toe, gasping as Horacio’s feet pushed his open and settled into the cradle of his hips. Fabric rubbed against skin and the heatthey generated was shared. Javi could do nothing but let his hands find the shoulders he so often admired and clutch at them, pulling Horacio to him before he could think any further. A roll of Horacio’s hips had Javi gasping into the kiss, mewling as his body caught fire and responded.

Pulling back to breathe, Horacio trailed kisses down the length of Javi’s neck. Sharp teeth nipping and bruising the flesh to lay claim before the tongue lathed to soothe the sensitive skin. When he reached the sharp outline of the clavicle, he sucked and worried at the skin that was normally covered by a shirt. Unable to do anything other than clutch at the short strands of hair under his fingers, Javi attempted to roll his own hips and grind his erection into the one he could feel against him.

With a firm tug, Javi felt the towel give way and he was naked against Horacio. Horacio pulled back and straightened to make eye contact, not allowing any space to grow between their bodies. The languid, voracious look in his eyes as he met Javi’s own. “Horacio?” Javi asked, uncertain whatthey were doing. He’d known he was Horacio’s but he’d never thought that this was a possibility given Horacio’s marriage and there’d been no signs that he thought of Javi the same way. Licking his lips, he repeated Horacio’s name.

Horacio’s hand shook slightly as it cupped his face and Javi leaned his face into the strong calloused hand. “What you did today,” Horacio’s voice was hoarse, emotional and intense. “For me. For my people... today....”

“Always,” Javi promised him. There was no question in his mind.

“You can’t promise me that,” Horacio’s expression was sad. “But I believe that you mean it.”

“I will always be with you,” Javi insisted. He wasn’t sure how to put things into words but Horacio’s grip tightened possessively on him at the words.

Horacio didn’t say anything but leaned forward until their foreheads rested together, noses brushing and sharing breath. Javi let his hands settle on either side of Horacio’s face, thumbs stroking the hairline at the temple. “Please Horacio... please,” he whispered, not sure what he was asking but only that he wanted more. More of whatever Horacio would give him, whatever he wanted and he didn’t give a damn about consequences right now.

Horacio had lowered his eyelashes, breathing in several times noisily through the nose before his eyes popped open and met Javi’s. The assault on Javi’s senses resumed and they locked lips, tongues dueling. Javi groaned as his thighs were grasped firmly and hiked up to encircle Horacio’s hips that were pressing him into the wall. His own hands found the few buttons on the polo shirt and pulled until the buttons gave way to give him more access to skin. Smashed between the wall and Horacio, he gave whatever Horacio wanted. The way the hands dug into his thighs encouraged him to squeeze around the lean waist, their sexes separated only by Horacio’s clothing.

Pulling back minimally, Horacio ordered him to “Hold on,” and then he was being carried further into the apartment. He was dizzy with lust and didn’t object one iota when Horacio proceeded directly to the bedroom. Horacio had been in his apartment a few times over the years and seemingly knew where he was going. Reaching the bedroom, Horacio tossed Javi onto the bed and he bounced. While Javi was trying to sit up, Horacio stripped his shirt off and flung it behind him into the hall and his hands calmly went to the buckle on his belt. Javi’s mouth went dry as the tongue of the belt was pulled out of the buckle and his lover shucked his trousers and underwear all in one smooth movement, stepping out of his shoes as he did so.

Horacio was just as beautiful as he’d imagined. A classic V shape with shoulders that were well developed from years of calisthenics and weight lifting that tapered to a narrow, thin waist before the powerfully built thighsand curves of the calves to his delicate looking ankles and feet. Horacio was just as aroused as he was, his cock hanging thick and uncut between his legs and curving up towards his navel, the head peaking out and wet. There was a thin trail of hair down the chest and abdomen that drew the eye towards the erection that was for Javi. There was no doubt that it was him that had inspired this lust, Horacio’s eyes were fiery as he allowed Javi to look his fill, flexing his shoulders to push his chest forward, thighs tightening as his hips gave a slight thrust forward before stilling, waiting for Javi’s approval.

Crawling across the bed, Javi reached for Horacio and he moved to the edge of the bed, placing himself within reach of Javi. Pulling him close, Javi let out an explosive breath as their cocks aligned, bodies seeking friction. Horacio let him pull him down and they were kissing again, hands exploring and fingers seeking out each hot spot that made each other twitch or shiver, induce a moan or gasp. Horacio was sensitive over his ribs, ticklish and tried to hide it by attacking the spot on his neck that made Javi’s muscles quiver and his body pliable. Javi was pushed back into the bed as Horacio joined him, spread out for Horacio’s pleasure but still an active participant.

They tussled, Horacio taking the aggressive stance and spreading Javi’s thighs with his own before lowering his body to press Javi into the bed as their hips rolled together. Anchoring his ankles to lock Horacio in place, Javi sinuously rubbed their bodies together, falling into an easy rhythm when Horacio responded. Their mouths found one another again and again, tongues sliding in to taste one another. The liquor they’d drunk earlier from Horacio and the mint of toothpaste from Javi.

Horacio began working his way down Javi’s body, teeth worrying at skin and causing a chain of bruises to blossom as he marked his territory. One hand plucked at Javi’s nipple until it peaked only to have Horacio’s mouth fasten on and suckle determinedly at it. Javi tried to thrust, to get some relief from friction but Horacio’s weight kept him in place as he sampled one nipple and then the other. Javi’s hands clutched helplessly to hold the hot mouth in place that seemed to be sucking the life out of him. He’d never thought of his own nipples as erogenous zones but Horacio was proving him wrong on that, making him moan and plead for more, calling Horacio’s name.

Giving one more suck to the abused nipple, Horacio looked up at him and they were kissing again. When air became necessary, Horacio’s free hand gently caressed his cheek. “Javi... my Javi....”

“Yours,” Javi agreed, trying to lean up to kiss but held in place by Horacio’s hand.

“What do you want Javi?” Horacio asked patiently, a small, tender smile on his face.

“Everything. Anything. You,” Javi confessed. He’d take whatever Horacio would give him and be glad for it.

Horacio’s smile broadened and he bussed their mouths together in a closed mouth kiss.“Where do you keep your slick?”

Javi’s heart stuttered and then sped up further, eyes flicking towards the bedside stand. “Top drawer.”

Horacio retrieved the small tube of lube that Javi kept there for the nights when he couldn’t resist his cravings and returned to kissing Javi. The feeling of slicked fingers delving between his spread legs before nudging at his entrance made him clench in anticipation. Soon he had one then two fingers working their way into him as Horacio turned him inside out with his mouth. The cries that escaped Javi were needy and wanton and he didn’t give a shit as it was obviously exactly what Horacio wanted to hear.

When a third finger was added, the burning stretch was exquisite and Javi tried to grip the fingers and pull them in deeper, wanting Horacio’s cock and not afraid of goading the man on top of him for it, heels pulling his lover as close as possible. Horacio’s call of his name had their eyes meeting and not looking away. “Javi... my Javi... Cariño... mi amado... taking it so well... nobody else will do this to you... nobody but me,” was interspersed with breathy swears and moans. Javi’s hands were not still and pulled Horacio back down for another kiss before pulling back and removing his fingers.

The sound of the cap of the lube snapping open and shut followed by the sharp intake of breath as Horacio lubed up his cock, jacking himself.“Javi, mi amado... look at me,” was the order and Javi opened his eyes after not realizing he’d let them close. Horacio knelt between his spread legs, hand jacking himself as he applied lubricant generously. He was drenched in a fine sheen of sweat and breathing as if he’d run a marathon, hot coal colored eyes fixated on Javi’s. “Mi amado... I tried to resist you for so long... told myself that you wouldn’t... couldn’t be what I wanted. That you were just a gringo... that you didn’t understand...”

“Couldn’t understand what?” Javi asked, his tongue thick in his mouth.

“Understand how I’ve searched for a partner, a mate who understands me.” Horacio leaned forward, pulling Javi’s right leg wider and then bending it up. “Who knows me,” Horacio breathed against his mouth and they were kissing again, Javi bent in half as Horacio repositioned him and then there was the steady pressure before his cock gained purchase and then entered Javi, stretching and claiming him as his body opened making him arch into Horacio.

Horacio kept up the pressure and Javi pulled with his heels until the other man was completely seated in him. Breathing hard, Javi tried to relax. The fingers and his previous musings had been much smaller in actuality to Horacio’s actual cock and he needed a moment. The burning stretch, the occupancy that claimed him was both too large and just right. Moments later, Horacio was moving. In and out to hit that spot deep within Javi that made his whole body light up in pleasure.

They found a rhythm quickly, Javi moving with Horacio to try and keep him as deep as possible, as hard as possible. Horacio kept up a litany of praise, calling Javi’s name and endearments dripping off his tongue in spanish. Javi writhed below him, back arching and thighs quivering as they tried to pull Horacio in faster and deeper, hands clutching at Horacio.

When they were both close, Horacio reached between them and gave a few firm jerks to Javi’s neglected cock and he was gone, back bowing as his channel clenched down and he came all over Horacio’s hand as he was milked by each movement of the firm grip around him and thick cock within him that hit his pleasure spot just right. Horacio was only a moment behind, the powerful contraction of his hips stuttering as he emptied deep within Javi, head thrown back making the veins in his neck prominent as his whole body peaked in pleasure. He continued to work Javi until they were both finished before collapsing, holding himself from crushing Javi with one hand braced and allowing Javi’s leg to fall to the side.

Several minutes passed and neither moved. When Horacio finally pulled out and lay down next to Javi, he pulled Javi into his chest and cradled his head, hand stroking the sweaty hair. “Can you stay?” Javi asked, hesitant to break the moment but wanting to know what to expect as he rested his palm on top of Horacio’s heart, feeling the echo of each beat as their bodies calmed.

“Tonight? Yes.”

“Good,” Javi said, nuzzling into the warm skin under him and closing his eyes. The careful movement of fingers through his hair and the closeness of his lover allowed him to drift in post-orgasm doze and then faded to the most restful sleep he’d had in months.

***

They woke several times during the night, mouths and hands roaming before their bodies coupled again to reach that peak of perfection. Awakening in the morning, Javi groaned as he rolled over, hands searching the sheets for the body that should be next to him and came up empty. Reluctantly opening his eyes, the room was dim with just a sliver of early morning sunlight coming in through the crack in the curtains. The apartment was silent and the only noise he could hear was from above him where his neighbors were walking noisily, their young child playing. 

He didn’t want to be awake and alone right now. Rubbing his face with his palms, he let one arm come to rest his closed eyes. He could go back to sleep. Dream of Horacio for a bit longer before getting up and facing the empty life around him and figuring out what last night had meant—if it had even been real or just another waking dream that Colombia seemed to thrive on. Steve would likely come find him later even though it was the weekend.

There was the creak of floorboards in the hallway between his bedroom and the kitchen.

Javi froze and took account of his body. While he occasionally got rather creative with his sex life, he had definitely had sex with another man last night given the various twinges that he could feel and the ache centered below his spine. “Horacio?”

Light footsteps came towards him and he let his arm fall from his face. Horacio Carrillo leaned against the doorframe, a cup of coffee in both hands and shirtless but he’d already started dressing and his hair was damp from the shower. “I made coffee,” Horacio stated calmly.

“Coffee?” Javi asked, mind blanking.

Horacio’s smile was gentle, private and just for Javi as he ducked his head slightly in a shy manner. “Coffee,” he confirmed.

“Come here,” Javi asked, not moving.

Horacio came, setting the coffee on the nightstand and leaned into Javi’s hand when it came up to cup his face. Turning his face into Javi’s palm, he softly kissed the center. “I can’t stay. I’m already very late for the training exercises i’m supposed to be supervising.”

“When can I see you?” Javi asked, feeling defenseless. He wanted Horacio to stay but he understood. Duty came first always.

“Bring Steve around this afternoon.I may have something for you then,” Horacio murmured before leaning down to share a kiss with him that was soft and tender but all too brief. Javi wanted to clarify but there seemed to be some sort of unstated understanding between them and he just threaded his fingers into his lover’s short hair and tried to convince him to rejoin him in bed with his body. Horacio reluctantly broke the kiss, his fingers tracing Javi’s jaw. “I have to go,” he pled before kissing Javi one more time and then standing. “Drink your coffee,” he ordered before grabbing a plain t-shirt of Javi’s off the end of the bed and turning to leave.

Javi just watched him leave. The soft snick as the door closed and lock engaged was too loud in the empty apartment. Pressing his fingers into the line of bruises made by Horacio’s mouth, he stared at the coffee that sat next to him.

What had last night meant? 

Where did they go from here?

**Author's Note:**

> One shot for now unless Horacio gets his way and gets his own viewpoint and/or more ideas percolate. Thanks for reading.


End file.
